Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween

Things that go bump in the night...

Flesh-eating zombies, blood-sucking vampires, chainsaw-wielding cannibals and psycho killers. These are the stuff of modern horror, but for this writer they are nothing compared to the real nightmares of 21st Century life. In honor of Halloween, I present some things that really scare me.

The Tax Man- the Internal Revenue Service has the power to seize bank accounts and property, levy fines and in general make your life a living hell. No agency should have so much power.

The Department of Motor Vehicles - staffed with bureaucrats imported from the fifth ring of Hell, waiting on line at the DMV is akin to an eternity amid the fire and brimstone of Damnation.

It's a Small World - Devised by the most deranged minds at Disney, this is truly one of the horrors of the modern world. I was once trapped on this ride for 10 minutes and was afforded a brief yet vivid glimpse of Hell (imagine the unrelenting horror of children singing that song ("Its a world of laughter, a world of tears...") over and over and over.)

Opening up my 401K Statement - These days few horrors compare to the utter gut-wrenching feeling of opening the mail box and finding my latest 401k Statement. Opening the envelope should definitely be accompanied by shrieking violins a la the shower scene in Psycho.

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