Friday, October 31, 2008

Things that go bump in the night

Halloween 2008
Flesh-eating zombies, blood-sucking vampires, chainsaw-wielding cannibals and psycho killers. These are the stuff of modern horror, but for this writer they are nothing compared to the real nightmares of 21st Century life. In honor of Halloween, I present some things that really scare me.

The Tax Man- the Internal Revenue Service has the power to seize bank accounts and property, levy fines and in general make your life a living hell. No agency should have so much power.

The Department of Motor Vehicles - staffed with bureaucrats imported from the fifth ring of Hell, waiting on line at the DMV is akin to an eternity amid the fire and brimstone of Damnation.

It's a Small World - Devised by the most deranged minds at Disney, this is truly one of the horrors of the modern world. As I wrote in a previous blog, I was once trapped on this ride for 10 minutes and was afforded a brief yet vivid glimpse of Hell (imagine the unrelenting horror of children singing that song ("Its a world of laughter, a world of tears...") over and over and over.)

Opening up my 401K Statement - These days few horrors compare to the utter gut-wrenching feeling of opening the mail box and finding my latest 401k Statement. Opening the envelope should definitely be accompanied by shrieking violins a la the shower scene in Psycho.

President McCain and Vice-President Palin - None of the above even comes close to the unrelenting terror of the thought of these two winning in Tuesday's election. It's enough to make me sleep with the lights on.


  1. you neglected to mention People Who Think Neil Gaiman's Good. those %&@!-ers scare the beejayzus out of me. maybe it's just me. . .

    McCain and Palin are scaring the living daylights out of us over here in Blighty, too, so you're certainly not alone in that one, fella.

  2. Say it ain't so, Joe! I actually enjoy some of Neil Gaiman's work - I have since Sandman. I think his novels are hit or miss: I'm a big fan of Good Omens, Neverwhere and American Gods, but I couldn't get into Stardust. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that.

    Regarding McPain...hopefully they'll just go away after Tuesday.