Friday, August 29, 2008

Assassination Is A Young Man's Game

I recently stumbled across the fact that most Presidential assassins and would-be assassins were under the age of 35 at the time they committed their crimes. Today we take a look at a few of them.


Abraham Lincoln
John Wilkes Booth was 26 when he assassinated Lincoln in Ford's Theatre during a performance of Our American Cousin. Totally tasteless Lincoln joke: "Other than that, how'd you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?"

James Garfield
Charles Guiteau was 39 when he assassinated Garfield (I said most were under 35 - not all). James Garfield Fun Fact: he was the only sitting member of the House of Representatives to be elected President. He also served the second shortest term of any President (six months and fifteen days).

William McKinkley
Leon Frank Czolgosz was 28 when he assassinated McKinley at the 1901 Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo, NY. One more reason to root for the Giants. Teddy Roosevelt was McKinley's VP and succeeded him to the Oval Office (remember this - you'll need it later).

John F. Kennedy
Lee Harvey Oswald was 24 when he assassinated JFK (or didn't assassinate JFK, depending on your belief in conspiracy theories). I'm not sure how old the gunman on the grassy knoll was.

Would-Be Assassins

Theodore Roosevelt
John F. Schrank, a 36 year old saloon keeper, shot and hit Teddy in 1912. The former president, who'd left office in 1909, was seeking a third term as the candidate for the Bull Moose Party. He was campaigning in Milwaukee, WI, when Schrank, who claimed that the ghost of William McKinley came to him in a dream and told him to avenge his death, shot him in the chest. The bullet lodged in his chest but first passed through the steel eyeglass case and folded up speech TR had in the pocket of his jacket. Since he wasn't coughing up blood, Teddy decided he wasn't seriously injured and went on to deliver his 90 minute speech before seeking medical attention. Doctors decided it would be too dangerous to remove the bullet, which had lodged in his chest muscle, and TR carried it in him for the rest of his life. Bully!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Giuseppe Zangara was 33 years old when he attempted to assassinate FDR as the President-elect was delivering a speech in Miami Florida in 1933. He managed to fire six shots, hitting six different people before he was wrestled to the ground. FDR was not hit. As the wikipedia entry describes the incident; "being only five feet tall, Zangara was unable to see over other people and had to stand on a wobbly, folding, metal chair, peering over the hat of Lilian Cross, a doctor's wife, to get a clear aim at his target." Sounds like security was a might lax.

Harry S Truman
A 1950 assassination attempt by two Puerto Rican nationalists, Griselio Torresola (25) and Oscar Collazo (36) was foiled in a dramatic shoot-out with White House policemen and Secret Service Agents. Torresola was killed during the battle. Collazo survived and was sentenced to death, but Give Em' Hell Harry commuted his sentence to life in prison. Harry Truman Fun Fact: "S" was his full middle name; his parents chose it in an attempt to please his grandfathers Anderson Shippe Truman and Solomon Young.

Gerald Ford
Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, a follower of Charles Manson, was 26 when she made an attempt on Ford's life. A Secret Service agent managed to insert the webbing of his thumb beneath the hammer of her Colt 45, preventing it from firing. Later analysis revealed that the gun was loaded incorrectly and would not have fired anyway (insert your own joke about women drivers and women assassins). Ford was the subject of another failed assassination attempt seventeen days later. And you think you're having a bad month!

Ronald Reagan
John Hinckley Jr. was 25 when he fired at Ronnie in a bizarre attempt to impress actress Jodie Foster. Reagan suffered a punctured lung but recovered. Two quotes from Ronnie on that day have entered into political lore. When First Lady Nancy arrived at the ER he greeted her with "Honey, I forgot to duck." As he was about to undergo surgery he said to his doctors "Please tell me you're all Republicans". In a bizarre coincidence, Hinckley's older brother Scott, and Neil Bush, the son of then-Vice President George Bush, had a dinner engagement scheduled for the next day. I imagine the conversation would have been rather awkward.

So what does this show? It's obvious; the younger you are the harder time you have dealing with anger management issues.


  1. the oddest things seem to occur to you... i love it


    Puerto Ricans, who desire to be free, must always know that the federal government, here in the States has no “subject matter jurisdiction” over the person, case or location and should be challenged to proof it.

    All jury members, judges, attorneys, and employees working in federal court, must reside in federal territory to be a federal juror or touch your case or they can be commercially sued, disbarred and financially ruined for violating your constitutional rights etc.

    Your god given right to be free is not wanted by the USA, it will oppose your desire for independence and freedom.

    The USA has been the biggest alien invaders the world has ever known. In order to win your freedom you must oppose them by knowing that their weakness lies in the constitution and the common law and common law remedies.

    To win --You must always reserve your constitutional, commercial rights and know what they are.

    The majority of Anglos have no idea that the USA has killed more Latins, than Hitler Killed Jews, The USA has supported traitors, Gringitos, Butchers, Sociopaths, and Megalomaniacs who were supported and kept in power by sucking up to the Anglo Alien Invaders.

    Latin America has had enough of this form of genocide of Latinos.

    I want to vomit every time some ignorant fools says: “If you don’t like it here –go home”.

    If the Alien Invaders would get out of each and every Latin Country and stop interfering in our affairs—it would make sense to say such a stupid thing. But unless the Snakes get out of Latin America-we have just as much right to be here!!!

    A Puerto Rican without a desire for independence and/or freedom from alien control has no soul of a man.

    The fact that the public does not know that we are NOT free, makes no difference, to the desire to be free. The PR that wants Statehood is a Gringito, who has no soul of a man left in his traitor's heart. Freedom is happening all over the world and yet we allow Gringitos to kill our right to be free.
    A Gringito is a non-Anglo thing/person who internally is so inferior, that he desires to be what he can not be—thus Gringito means little gringo.

    We allow the Alien Invaders to kill, harm, abuse and scam us and yet the Gringito wants to give our Country away.

    This abuse must end. No man or woman is a real Man or real woman who is too scared to fight for their souls and be free.

    The fight will NOT succeed if you don't fight the Gringito enemy at home first. He is there next door and claims he is a real man and tries to give you many excuses of why PR can't be a free Country.

    If you listen, you will lose your soul.

    The Ronbothunter,

    Ex-scientologist and a proud freedom loving Puerto Rican.

    All Rights Reserved