Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Musings on Mortality

Happy Birthday To Me...

Seems like it rolls around faster every year, and here it is again; September 10th - my birthday. Pictured below is one of my all-time favorite birthday presents. Back in 1994, Adam West wrote Back to the Batcave, his memoirs about the classic, campy 1960's Batman TV show. My then- girl friend Pookie was friends with someone who was related to Adam's agent. She gave me a copy of the book which was inscribed with the following birthday greeting:

This is undoubtedly one of the coolest birthday presents I've ever received; even cooler than my Barry Williams autographed edition of Growing Up Brady. For the record, I received my coolest birthday present in the late 1960's; a complete line of Major Matt Mason toys including the Moon Base, Space Crawler, Moon Suit and Star Seeker. How cool was Major Matt Mason? Check out this commercial:

Damn, I wish I had those toys today (not that I'd sell them, I just want to play with them!)

Thoughts on growing up

Birthdays are a time of reflection, self-evaluation and depending on your age, feeling that you're getting old. But at what point does this feeling of getting old start? Not so old that The Grim Reaper is waiting outside your door, but definitely that you're not a kid anymore (or even a young adult). When you get married? Purchase your first house? Have a child? For me the epiphany occurred sometime in 1990 around the age of 29. It was then that I realized that Shirley Jones was hot.

Yes, Shirley Jones, aka Shirley Partridge; single mom and matriarch of The Partridge Family. For most of my life she was a mother figure, mom to Keith and Laurie and the rest of the brood. One night I was watching a rerun of The Partridge Family and I suddenly realized Shirley was a hottie. Not just attractive but hot. Had the term been around back then, I would have called her a MILF! At the time Shirley starred in the Partridge Family, she was in her mid 30's - which is younger than I am now, but older than I was at the time of my epiphany. Back then, it occurred to me that this was as good a sign as any that I was getting old.

I looked back at other TV moms to see if this attraction to Momma Partridge was an anomaly of mine and found that yes indeed, many of the mom's I grew up with were hot, hot, hot! Let's look at few of my favorites, shall we?

Donna Reed - archetypal TV mom and stereotype of a whole generation of pearl-wearing mothers. Donna is in fact HOT. Check her out in From Here To Eternity where she plays a dance hall girl who wins Montgomery Cliff's heart. Poor Monty never stood a chance.

June Lockhart - Mom to Timmy of Timmy and Lassie fame as well as Judy and Will Robinson on Lost in Space. I just checked and as I suspected, June is Hot! Maybe it's the red hair or perhaps the form-fitting space outfit, whatever it is, June is definitely someone I'd like to get Lost in Space with.

Mary Tyler Moore - before she was throw-her-hat-in-the-air-Mary Richards, she was Laura Petrie, wife and mother on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Whether she was lounging around the house in those Capri slacks, or dolled up in an evening gown and hosting one of those sophisticated cocktail parties, all I can say is "Mmmmm Mary!"

Elizabeth Montgomery - Samantha Stephens - without a doubt, Tabitha and Adam's mom is supernaturally hot. What did she ever see in Darren?

Whitney Blake - she played Dorothy Baxter, wife and mother on the 60's TV show Hazel. Whitney's real life daughter, Meredith Baxter, was a hot TV mom herself a couple of decades later on Family Ties. Hotness definitely runs in that family.

Lest you get the impression that I lust after every woman I grew up watching on the tube, two famous TV moms who I never found attractive are Carol Brady (Florence Henderson) and June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsly). They're both pleasant looking, and I'm sure they kept Mike and Ward quite happy, but they just don't come close to the cuties pictured above.

Some People Who Share My Birthday

Robert Wise -Academy Award-winning film producer and director whose works include The Day the Earth Stood Still, West Side Story, Star Trek the Motion Picture, and The Sound of Music (we like him anyway).

Rin Tin Tin -First in a line of German Shepherd actors.

Charles Kuralt -Award-winning American journalist.

Roger Maris - Baseball player best remembered for being the first to break Babe Ruth's single season home run record (and he did it without steroids).

Jose Feliciano -Blind singer, songwriter and guitarist (that's him performing the theme from Chico and the Man).

Bill O'Reilly - Talk show/radio host, author, syndicated columnist and blowhard.

Amy Irving - Actress and former Mrs. Steven Spielberg.

Joe Perry - Guitarist, singer and songwriter with Aerosmith. Rolling Stone ranked him 48 on their list of 100 Greatest Guitarists of all Time.

Colin Firth - English film actor (or is he a British film actor? or both?)

Randy Johnson - Five time Cy Young Award-winning pitcher. The 6'10" Johnson is nicknamed "the Big Unit". Re-read that last sentence and tell me that I'm not the only one who thinks there's something not quite right with it.

Big Daddy Kane - American Rapper (in 1992 he appeared in some pretty racy photos in Madonna's controversial Sex book)

Guy Ritchie -British film director (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch are my favorites) and current Mr. Madonna.

Madonna being mentioned twice in one blog seems like a good sign that it's time to go have some cake.


  1. I don't give two shits about birthdays, to me it's silly to celebrate nothing but the fact that someone hasn't died yet-- it's actually a bit morbid. Of course certain birthdays have significance: 13 (getting into PG-13 movies) 15/16 (driving permit and license), 17 (getting into R-rated movies) 18 (voting and buying smokes and porn), 21 (drinking), 25 (lower car insurance), 35 (able to run for president), 62/65 (retirement), and whatever age entitles you to senior discounts-- but other than that, eh...
    Hope you have/had a good one anyway.

  2. I definitely agree with you on Donna Reed and Elizabeth Montgomery-- the others are attractive but never did anything for me... I was so afraid you were going to put that horrible creature known as Florence Henderson in your list...

  3. Have a good one, sir! (And I definitely agree with you on Shirley and Liz M!!)

  4. Oh, and as an addded birthday present, check out HULU at for several full-length episodes of NANNY AND THE PROFESSOR!

  5. 1) Of course, first and foremost, happy birthday !
    2) You are sick and wrong and perhaps purely evil ( OK, perhaps that softens my genuine greetings in # 1 but ...)How could you pass over the woman for whom the term MILF was coined? Should the lovely Florence Henderson pass my way, I like any red blooded American of a certain age, would definitely find my heart aflutter. Flo has the wholesome facade but underneath beats the heart of a ravenous tigress. Perhaps if Mike Brady weren't such an avowed friend of Dorothy, he too would have realized what was so close to him.Shocking that you would never find the woman who turbo charged the hormones of 99% of the youth of our fair nation, to be a major turn on. This is telling in the extreme - - clearly YOU were watching for Greg and Mike ....
    3) I have to admit that I too found Shirley Jones to be hot even before I knew what that term meant
    4) You forgot a recent focus of your blog, super hot mama Sarah Palin. She is on the cover of the newest Newsweek with a cocked gun slung over her shoulder. Mmmmm - - Hot censorship babes --- I have been a naughty boy,censor me !!!

    And finally, have a great birthday. Now that we are all seeming less toxic and noone has required medical attention in some time we will need to try and get together again soon


  6. Thank you all for the birthday greetings.

    Bic. Admit it - you don't really like Carol - you're just trying to use her to get to Marcia. I'm not sure exactly what it is about Florence Henderson but she never rocked my boat (this was especially true after listening to her shill Wesson Oil for years (remember "wessonality"??)

  7. plus any sex appeal that Florence Henderson had went away the first time someone let her sing... gag


    Florence can cover me in Wesson Oil any ole time she likes.And sometimes she does ...

    I am simply in touch with my Henderson-icity. Give in to the temptation I always say. Plus Shirley Jones is forever linked in my mind with Jack Jones so when I look at her I hear him crooning the Love Boat theme.

    If THAT doesn't kill your libido, nuthin will ...

    Nope, it's Carol and only Carol ...